I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
