Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
