what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
