I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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