Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
