My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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