Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
