I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
