I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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