I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
