Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
