I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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