No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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