Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
