I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
