Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
