everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
