I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
