I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
