Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
