OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
