i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
