Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
