she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
