I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
