What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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