Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
