Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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