fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
