You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just cut my nipple shaving
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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