oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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