im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
