I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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