I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone came in the potted fern
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
