I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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