one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
