Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
