wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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