Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
