sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
