glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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