Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
