Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
