I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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