so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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