you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
