If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My cat gives me a boner
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
