i jhust puked up my retainher.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
