True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
