theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
