She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
