please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
