I am spending my child support on dildos
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
