I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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