respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
