Jerry, you need to find god
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize